Always on My Mind
by cestmoi01
Summary: He sat in silence for awhile, watching the sun set on the other side of the lake, casting out yellows and pinks and reds that failed to warm him." Jack retreats to his cabin after Daniel's ascension. Mild J/D slash mentioned. Kplus for one maybe bad word.


**Season**: after 5 but before 7, not necessarily part of 6

**Episode**: post-Meridian

**Spoilers**: small ones for Children of the Gods, The Nox, Thor's Hammer/Thor's Chariot, and Meridian

**Disclaimer**: Sadly, I do not own Jack and Daniel. Neither do I own Jack _or_ Daniel. Damn, why did you make me admit that? I must go contemplate the emptiness of my existence now...

**A/N**: So, I intended for this to be a little happy reminiscence on Jack's part, but then he got all maudlin and it went angsty, and I'm not sure I'm happy with the ending, but Jack refused to talk anymore after that. Sorry, folks. And thanks to Annie for the beta!

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**Always on My Mind**

_by cestmoi01_

Sighing, Jack settled into his comfortable Adirondack lawn chair and drew the other closer to him. He popped the cap off the beer bottle and set it down on the unoccupied chair then opened his own and took a pull from the long neck.

"I know ya aren't particularly fond of beer, Daniel, but it's tradition. Besides, it's all I've got up here," he said as if to thin air as he stared across the lake. "Sorry there's no pizza – none of that up here either."

His voice trailed off, and he took another pull from the beer bottle he held loosely between his fingers, and then glanced over as if to see if his invisible companion was taking care of his own. Then he chuckled warmly.

"Do you remember that moonshine the boys had on Abydos?" A short pause. "Of course you do, Daniel – you probably helped them make it." There was a teasing twinkle in his brown eyes. "And you're _still_ a lightweight!" Another short pause as he shook his head, "God! That first time I brought you home..." The pause was longer this time, the voice when it resumed, more somber and melancholy.

"I don't think I ever thanked you for that, Daniel – for making sure that I _could_ go home, on that first mission to Abydos. I may not have really appreciated it then, but I'm glad now, Daniel. I would have missed so much!"

Jack thought of the reunion with Daniel on Abydos, of the archeologist's first meeting with the "Captain-Doctor" and how he out-thought her in her own field. He thought of the friendship he had with Teal'c, and the other's quest to free the Jaffa. He thought of meeting Thor, his grey old buddy, and Lya of the Nox, who was fond of Daniel, despite his being "very young." He thought of the enjoyment he got from watching Daniel meeting new peoples and making new discoveries.

He thought of the deep satisfaction he got out of his relationship with Daniel, of the all-encompassing, soul-binding love that they shared. It was still difficult for him to comprehend that Daniel was as much in love with him as he was with Daniel, and even though they had to sneak about and hide their relationship from many of their friends – it was worth it.

"Although I could've done without your multiple deaths, Dannyboy!" The glare he directed at the empty chair was fierce. "Were you trying to give an old man a heart attack?"

Pause.

"Yeah, I know – you never _intended_ to die, and I'm not old…"

Another pause.

"But dammit, Daniel! I _feel_ old, especially now, with you gone. I can't do this without you. I can't. You're our conscience, Danny, and I need you to be there finding me other options. Ya know what? Scratch that – I just need _you_." He began to choke up, and he quickly took another swig of beer, blinking his eyes to hold back moisture as he swallowed roughly.

He sat in silence for a while, watching the sun set on the other side of the lake, casting out yellows and pinks and reds that failed to warm him.

"I love you, Daniel," Jack spoke softly, but not without a heart-wrenching depth of emotion. "I have to believe that you're coming back to me, or I couldn't go on. But even if you don't come back, I promise I won't forget."

A single tear slid down his cheek as he settled sadly back into his chair. The sky darkened, and a breeze wrapped around the slumped man before disappearing.

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**A/N**: Feedback is love! Let me know what you think.


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